by Claire Willmer
Our garage is absolutely full to bursting with baby clothes, toddler toys, prams, and cots so this weekend we decided to do a baby and children’s sale to try to clear out some space. If I’m being completely honest, it’s a task I really don’t enjoy. As soon as I start unpacking the bags and the clothes start to spill out, I’m immediately taken back to the early days of each of my boys. The first jumper we bought Eddie when we were told he could officially be moved to a cot in the Neo-Natal Unit and so would now be needing some clothes! I remember Kev and I very excitedly walking out onto Tottenham Court Road with the biggest smiles on our faces as our brave little one had reached this momentous milestone. It was so amazing to allow ourselves to go crazy in a children’s clothing shop knowing that we had been given permission to entertain the fact that our baby was on the mend and would hopefully be allowed to come home with us soon.
The winter suit that belonged Maxi that was only worn once on the way home from hospital. He was born in December and, because of a shortage in rooms in both the labour ward and in the mid-wife led unit, I had to labour in the waiting room in the department where the midwifes did their patients’ booking appointments. After being there for most of the night, bouncing away on a ball, I felt so bad for the look on these ladies’ faces. I was definitely a reminder of what was to come and I’m not sure at 12 weeks anyone needed to see that! I gave birth to our little man on a couch in triage with paper thin walls and as I was wheeled out holding him in my arms, everyone clapped! After having Eddie in the summer months, I quickly realised that his light pram suits would not cut the mustard, so I sent Kev out to search for a winter suit. When he arrived back at the hospital, it seemed impossibly big and Max’s little arms got lost inside. I remember how relieved and amazed I was that this time I would get to take my baby home, like the other mums, straight away. I remember feeling unbelievably grateful that he was ok.
The tiny baby gro that I had for Sidney but that never got worn. Before he was born, Kev and I took a trip to Exeter to spend some time together. This baby was mostly going to have hand me downs from his big brothers. Unlike my first two, we decided to find out whether he’d be a boy or a girl before he arrived. I thought it would help to prepare the boys (and me!) a little more for his arrival. We had a lovely lunch out and then went to Jojo Mama Bebe. I wanted to buy him one new outfit for when we were discharged from hospital. When we lived in London, that was my nearest baby shop and I would be constantly popping in to find new gadgets for feeding, sleeping and everything in between! On that day, I chose a dinky baby gro with little soldiers on it and a peter pan collar. It was so sweet and it helped to make the whole thing a lot more real – crazy I know at 37 weeks pregnant! When he arrived, two days after his due date, with a shock of red hair after I finally got to experience my longed-for water birth, he was much bigger than his brothers had been. The suit was too small and aside from one ambitious photo where I thought he could maybe squeeze into it! It’s stayed in the bag.
Clothes for me carry so many memories. I wish I could Marie Kondo my way through the bags but at some point, a lot of these clothes gave me and my little ones lots of pleasure. They represent a time in my life that has moved on. I’m a mum but I’m no longer a baby mama with all the intensity that brings. I’ve changed and evolved and now I’m coming out the other end slightly dishevelled and sleep deprived, I feel like I need to put back the pieces and find my identity again. I’m not really too sure where to start, but I know that these clothes represent the first step in this crazy beautiful journey. Until then, I’ll give my boys tight squeezes and attempt to sniff their heads!
